Death Kappa

Death Kappa is a relatively rare item: a kaiju movie based on myth rather than an established franchise or completely original characters. Directed by Tomoo Haraguchi, this one also comes with a certain sense of humor built into its fabric, even the name. Going into this one, I know very little about it because when I was compiling a list of films to do for this blog I decided to choose this one based almost entirely on its name. In my defense, this was not a cultural landmark so a lot of information about it on the internet is pretty sparse. Let's get to it.

If You Haven't Seen it Before

- Failed pop star/idol Kanako returns to her hometown to find it full of people with what seem to be radiation sickness. When she sees her grandmother for the first time in years, a group of rambunctious youths hit her with their car before driving off and knocking a statue of a kappa off a cliff into the sea.

- Kanako's grandmother, in her dying breaths, asks her to take care of thekKappa. This prompts Kanako to become the new guardian of the family shrine (unsurprisingly dedicated to a/the kappa).

- In the sea, the kappa statue awakens. Shortly thereafter, a creature attacks the youths who knocked the kappa statue it into the sea, who seem high as a kite.

- During the process of these multiple attacks, a man appears and kidnaps the girl in the group using a taser. He's creepy. Kanako also sees the kappa eating cucumbers (because kappas love cucumbers).

- The next day, some of Kanako's friends find her CDs and play them loudly. The kappa dances outside until they notice it. The group becomes friends with Kappa. At night, they are attacked and kidnapped by the creepy guy and his lady accomplice.
- Inside the lair of her kidnappers, Kanako finds herself surrounded by horrific artifacts and creatures, including ugly amphibuous creatures called Umihikos and a dessicated corpse in a wheelchair. 

- Umihikos were apparently created using cells of the Kappa during World War II as an attempt to turn Japanese soldiers into these amphibious super soldiers to turn the tide by invading America, but never managed to take hold because of how inhumane the project was. But this woman has continued her grandfather's research to create Umihikos, though it's not clear if she intends to take over the world.

- Threatened by the Umihikos, their creator, and her collaborators, Kappa shows up to protect Kanako. The Umihikos seem to stand some chance before Kanako destroys their control panel and paralyzes them. The scientist wields a machine gun and kills everyone and destroys everything except Kanako, as Kappa protects her using his turtle shell back.

- Upset, the scientist decides to unleash the atomic bomb she keeps in the lab, to destroy the lab and the entire village. I guess this... causes the Umihikos to fuse and grow to giant size and start ravaging the city? Either way, there's a giant monster now, called Hangyolas.

- The military confronts Hangyolas, managing to do damage but definitely not emerge victorious. Hangyolas breathes fire to destroy the tanks and planes before all of his foes run away in fear. 

- The military stands no chance, but good for everyone that Kappa was also mutated by the nuclear bomb and rises as the giant Death Kappa. He faces off with the Hangyolas, occasionally aided by the miltary delivering giant cucumbers to him.

- Death Kappa manages to make Hangyolas destroy himself, but then turns to destroying the city around him with his brand new mouth laser that he didn't use in the fight against the other giant monster.

- Kanako reappears, having somehow survived the literal nuclear explosion, and sweet talks Death Kappa into calming down and floating away into the sea.

Kaiju Notes 

- (Death) Kappa is based on the mythological kappa monster, as explained by the movie: a kind of ghoblin that inhabits rivers and ponds. With a plate on their heads and a turtle like shell on their back, they're expert swimmers and sumo wrestlers. The plate on their heads is also a weakness, and they love cucumbers.

- Kappa is fucking hideous. I'm not a big fan of killing things just cause they look weird, but I make an exception for kappas, apparently. This thing is a total abomination and its a sin to let it continue.

- The Umihikos are also quite ugly, but nowhere near as awful as Kappa. They're relatively nondescript, being humanoid looking but if you put their heads into a bloatfish. Boring.

- Hangyolas is the only monster in this movie that seems to have had any design put into it. It's not going to win any awards, but it's definitely not as atrocious as (Death) Kappa, and seems to be a semi-original idea since Kappa's appearance is really just modeled on the creatures of myth.

First things first: if that plot description above sounds particularly ridiculous: it is. This movie is clearly supposed to be funny. It's not. I regret choosing to watch this when I planned out all of the movies for this blog. This is the "Super Shark vs. KrakenOpolis" of Japanese cinema: a waste of time that no one tried with, and figured some tongue in cheek moments where military men call out for their mothers when they die at the hands of a giant monster would make up for the general shittiness of every other moment. As with the made up "Super Shark vs. KrakenOpolis", they are wrong. Maybe it's just me, but I genuinely don't enjoy things that suck on purpose. If a filmmaker or a writer or whatever is truly trying and just missing the mark, that can be entertaining and I can appreciate their heart (if not their work), but I don't see the point of just making disposable trash like Death Kappa.

There's not much else to say about this one. It sucks, but it sucks on purpose. It's not entertaining in its terribleness, and it's not trying hard enough to even care. Kappa is a horrific beast with no redeeming qualities. Kanako is barely a character. Let's forget this one happened.

Next: Pacific Rim!

D-War

The same man who made the Yonggary film from 1999 is back for another shot at a kaiju movie: Shim Hyung-rae returns! While Yonggary did not go over well on this blog, we believe in 2nd (or 3rd or 4th or 75th) chances in this house! Like Yonggary, D-War is based in the US and stars mostly American (or at least English-speaking) actors. The most recognizable of these actors are Jason Behr and Robert Forster, but there's some other familiar faces in here too.

The monsters/kaiju in this one are almost entirely CGI, so there's no suit credit to be given. But it is notable that this film pulls from Korean mythology, with the premise being a dragon-like serpent called an Imugi transforming through mystical means into a proper Dragon. The movie spells this Imoogi, so that's what we're going with here. Another significant note for this film is that at the time it was released it was the most expensive Korean film ever made. So, hopefully that investment pays off when it comes to quality!

If You Haven't Seen it Before

- Every 500 years, a woman is born who contains a mighty spirit. Pursued by both good and evil serpents/Imoogi because of her power to turn them into powerful dragons, our main character Ethan is sworn to protect this woman.

- We get the story of the last woman born with this power, and see a tragic love story from 500 years ago where the woman and her protector/lover die after escaping from the evil serpent/Imoogi Baraki.

- Ethan, the reincarnation of the warrior who died with the previous Spirit lady, finds her reincarnation, a woman named Sarah.

- Tasked to bring Sarah to the Grand Cave on her 20th birthday, bad things begin to happen as the evil Baraki arrives in Los Angeles, and some mysterious and clearly evil human figure confronts Ethan (seems like a wizard or something).

- Escaping with Sarah and his friend, they are pursued by wizard guy but hit him with a car. He manifests armor and beats them up, but another car manages to knock him over and allow them to escape.

- Baraki's army rises to give chase, and now LA is under attack by the army in pursuit of Sarah (and Ethan).

- Not managing to make it out of LA before Baraki's army descends upon everyone, Baraki appears to be winning. Just in the nick of time, the military counter attacks and manages to fend Baraki off for a moment.

- We now get to watch Baraki's reptilian army battle the US military, and... it's kind of fun?

- Eventually, Baraki captures Ethan and Sarah and takes them to a ritual site. Once there, the good Imoogi emerges and tries to protect them, but is quickly felled by the powerful Baraki.

- Sarah realizes what she must do, and feeds her spiritual orb to the good Imoogi. She collapses and it transforms into a powerful dragon (even grows arms)!

- After another extremely quick battle, the good Dragon shoots a fireball down the throat of Baraki, who is reduced first to a skeleton and then to ash.

- Sarah is dead, but her spirit lingers long enough to tell Ethan she will love him for eternity.

Kaiju Notes 

- The Imoogi are giant snakes. They look like snakes and they act like snakes. Buraki is darker, so he looks more evil.

- The Atrox army also contains giant artillery bearing Dawdlers, the agile flying Bulco, and velociraptor/utahraptor like Shaconnes.

- Lastly, the Celestial Dragon is a very classic asian dragon creature.

- None of these kaiju designs are particularly creative, if you can't tell.

So, this is a very strange case. D-War is... horrible. And I love it. It starts out cheesy and weird and just doubles down over and over and over until a giant reptilian army is fighting with the US military. This movie has a distinct sense of humor but ultimately plays it straight, and I think its better for it. Despite how nonsensical every event is, the commitment to the bit makes it work despite never being anything resembling a quality film. It's a hard case, and it won't work for everyone. I waffle on whether I enjoy it myself. But at the end of the day for me it lands on the "so bad it's kinda good" side of things in that indiscernible way only movies of this kind.

Beyond that, there's very little that can be said about D-War. It sucks, but in a way that somehow makes it work? I could never possibly recommend it as an even "okay" movie, but find it entertaining. Whether it's giant dinosaurs launching artillery or dragons whipping US military helicopters out of the sky, this movie is just strange, terrible, and entertaining all at the same time. The acting isn't particularly good and the jokes are generally pretty bad but this shit makes me laugh every time. I have no way to explain it, so I'm not going to try. If you're into awful movies that somehow make it work, this is an example (unlike Death Kappa, which just sucks).

Next: Gamera the Brave!

Orochi, the Eight-Headed Dragon

Orochi is a legendary monster from Japanese myth. In the realm of kaiju movies, it makes perfect sense that one of the monsters should be either based on Orochi or simply be the monster itself. Orochi, the Eight-Headed is an example of the latter (King Ghidorah is an example of the former). Based almost entirely around Shinto mythology, this is a kaiju movie featuring legends, gods, folklore, and other Japanese traditions. The main character, Ousu, is a semi-legendary figure from roughly the year 75 AD and the premise, twins being considered bad luck and one being exiled as a result, is based in (mostly outdated) Japanese folk beliefs.

Directed by Takao Okawara between Godzilla movies (vs. MechaGodzilla II and vs. Destoroyah specifically) and still produced by Toho, it's an interesting exploration of what a Toho kaiju film looks like without being tied into the greater Godzilla mythos. Heisei era suit acting veterans Kenpachiro Satsuma, Hurricane Ryu, and Wataru Fukuda also feature in this film as the titular Orochi, Kumasogami, and the entirely awesome Utsuno Ikusagami, respectively. Let's get to talking about the adventures of Ousu before it's too late.

If You Haven't Seen it Before

- I'm gonna simplify the shit out of this, because the first version of it was incredibly long because this plot is... complex.

- The 2nd born twin of a pair of princes is considered an ill omen by both the Emperor and his advisor Tsukinowa. Saved after being thrown off a cliff by the White Bird of Heaven, Amano Shiratori, he returns to the palace as a grown man and fierce warrior. In his youth, he picked up a magatama (jewel/trinket) from a mystic cave.

- When he returns to the palace, his mother grows ill and dies. Blamed for this, his twin brother attacks him and the magatama activates mystical energy to protect Ousu and kills his brother.

- Exiled for the crimes of killing his mother and brother, Ousu must defeat the Kumaso people. He is joined by a woman named Oto on this quest, who can shoot fireballs using magic.

- After defeating the leader of the Kamaso and a literal god, Ousu is then told he will have to defeat the evil god Tsukuyomi in the form of a giant eight headed monster named Orochi or the world will be destroyed.

- On their quest to stop Orochi they are attacked by giant sea monster Kaishin Muba, and Oto dies while saving Ousu's life. 

- While lamenting Oto's death, Ousu sees his dead mother on the beach. This is Tsukinowa in disguise, and he stabs Ousu through the neck. Before Ousu passes out from blood loss, Tsukinowa confesses that he killed Ousu's mother and brother (finishing him off after the magatama knocked him out).

- An eclipse blots out the sun as Tsukinowa summons Tsukuyomi, allowing the evil god to return to earth after having been previously imprisoned in space.

- Ousu wakes up back in the mysterious cave from his youth, coming face to face and being tested by the god Susano'o. They fight briefly before Ousu pulls a glowing, lightsaber-like sword from a stone.

- Revealed to be part of this greater destiny because she possesses the spirit of the goddess Amaterasu, Oto is revived by Susano'o and the two are sent to the moon to confront Tsukuyomi/Orochi.

- A sword fight ensues, and so far there has been very little kaiju in this kaiju movie.

- Though Tsukiyomi is defeated, he transforms into the kaiju Orochi. Unable to defeat him as they currently are, the White Bird of Heaven appears and gives the two heroes a ride so they can attack Orochi properly. The sword Ousu carries manages to damage Orochi, but the eight heads are too powerful and he is thrown from the Bird.

- Oto blasts Orochi with her magic which provides Ousu an opportunity to launch himself onto one of the heads and repeatedly stab it with his sword. This heroic turn doesn't last and Orochi throws all 3 of his attackers into space.

- Oto dies, again, but this time her spirit flows into Ousu and he now has the "three lights' he's apparently needed the whole time. He transforms into a giant warrior, able now to match Orochi blow for blow. He demonstrates this by literally ripping off one of Orochi's heads.

- Summoning his sword again, Giant Ousu quickly slices off each of Orochi's heads before lasering him to death.

- Oto is revived when Orochi dies, and the two head home on the back of the White Bird of Heaven. Tsukuyomi is captured inside Ousu's magatama and sealed away after Ousu throws it into space.

- The eclipse ends and the Emperor finally accepts his son Ousu, realizing he's saved the world.

Kaiju Notes

- Kurasogami, the god of the Kuraso people, is a weird creature. He's too small to be a proper kaiju but is at least large and spooky looking. He has the power to transform his body into weapons, which proves pretty devastating against his mostly human enemies.

- Kaishin Muba is more accurately kaiju sized but also sports no particular abilities. While he's based in the ocean so is already dangerous, he's basically a classic kraken: tentacles and rage, not much else.

- Orochi is the titular kaiju, and is a pretty impressive looking beast. He's basically incredibly souped up King Ghidorah without the wings, and the 8 heads all look consistently pissed off and powerful.

- Giant Ousu looks like a goddamn Megazord in the best way, and one could easily be forgiven for thinking he's a robot. I watched the movie and am not entirely sure he's not. But either way, Giant Ousu is cool as hell and I want one.

- Giant Ousu's abilities include force fields, lasers from his forehead, a giant version of his Sword of Karasai, as well as bad ass wings along his back which don't do anything but are very cool. Orochi is mostly giant and angry and also breathes fire.

- Orochi, moreso than any other creature in the film, seems like a vicious beast. Besides having eight flame breathing heads, he moves with a certain sense of destruction and insistence on victory which Satsuma can be almost recognized by at this point. How the crew and cast managed to make the eight heads seems to work in relative unison given all the moving parts is pretty impressive, considering that it can often fail to come across that way with the three headed King Ghidorah. The battle of Orochi vs. Utsumo Ikusagami (Giant Ousu) is very cool, Orochi never backing down or being anything less than ferocious despite clearly being on the losing side versus the giant flowing warrior.

Every fight against a kaiju in this movie is hilariously unsuccessful, even when the humans eventually win. Kurasogami nearly kills everyone in the room until Ousu's magatama takes over his body and starts shooting lasers at it. Kaishin Muba almost kills Ousu, and does kill Oto, who sacrifices herself to take him out (and while she doesn't seem to know it at the time, she's got the spirit of a god in here). Orochi is also fought while Ousu and Oto are still in human form and get their shit wrecked again, being thrown into space where they would have died had Oto not given her spirit to Ousu so he could transform (a plan she did not have).

The frequent use of folklore and mythological elements makes this movie very inaccessible and also hard to accurately describe. Not the use of gods, necessarily, but the legendary figures like Genbu and Seiryu. I took them out of the description above because it was difficult to explain why they were there while also adhering to a (relatively) simple plot summary. It would be like if Paul Bunyan and Johnny Appleseed appeared in a random American blockbuster: not necessarily out of line but very strange and definitely unnecessary. When you combine this with literal gods it becomes a movie that's honestly more dragged down by its folklore and mythology than helped. While I'm not Japanese so cannot truly speak for the significance of Genbu appearing, I can say that it doesn't seem very useful to have him appear for all of 3 scenes and then never be heard from again.

All of the above makes this movie sound pretty bad, and it is, but still manages to be relatively entertaining. The actual battles are fun, and the movie comes together in a certain way in the second half. Until getting to Kamusogami, however, it's entirely disposable. After clearing Genbu and Seiryu from the story we get to focus on the quest of Ousu and Oto and the narrative is strengthened by it. On the other side, Oto doesn't get a chance to shine as much as she should, really being a tool to empower or motivate Ousu rather than the badass goddess that she literally is.And Ousu is a pretty reactive character, essentially leaving us with a tail of two humans (reincarnated gods?) being led around by everyone around them but rarely making a decision for themselves. Orochi is a badass looking monster and Giant Ousu is like everything I want in a kaiju movie wrapped up into one fierce looking warrior, but it's hard to rescue such a weak story in the final 10 minutes.

Next: Gamera, Guardian of the Universe!