Destroy All Monsters

It is time to Destroy All Monsters, a star-studded movie about many monsters doing many monstrous things. Ishirō Honda returns to the director's chair with Haruo Nakajima retaining his crown as the King of the Monsters. I have no major facts or news to share on this one, so let's get right to it.

If You Haven't Seen it Before

- Every monster on Earth has been gathered into one place, a place appropriately called Monsterland. They are trapped by various containment systems and provided with plenty of natural food so they can live relatively peacefully.

- Monsterland is attacked, the human researchers and monster themselves all knocked unconscious with yellow gas.

- The various monster of Monsterland seem to have escaped, causing destruction worldwide!

- The Kilaaks, an alien race, are revealed to be in control of the situation: demanding that humanity surrender to their rule or be destroyed.

- Human story begins here, with resistance to the Kilaaks being critical to the plot. They search for a way to free the monsters (and thus, humanity) from the Kilaaks rule.

- Confident, perhaps too much so, in their strength, the Kilaaks send almost every monster in their control to Tokyo to obliterate it.

- An attack by the humans on the Kilaaks' moon base is successful, breaking their control of the monsters on Earth and switching it to the humans.

- The monsters are sent to Mt. Fuji to finally and fully destroy the Kilaaks' base. As one last defense, King Ghidorah is sent by the Kilaaks to ward off their enemies.

- An epic battle commences, with King Ghidorah fighting Godzilla, Anguirus, Gorosaurus, Rodan, Mothra, and Kumonga while Minilla (baby Godzilla), Manda, and Varan cheer them on. Godzilla stomps one of King Ghidorah's neck near the end and it's actually pretty brutal.

- The Kilaaks' use a final weapon called Fire Dragon to destroy the human's control center so they also have no control over the monsters now. They seem to think this will matter but Godzilla interrupts whatever they were about to say to fuck their base right up just like the humans planned. Everyone dies.

- With the Kilaaks soundly defeated, the monsters return to Monsterland of their own accord so they can be in harmony again.

Kaiju Notes

- Rodan looks goddamn terrible. He always has, but this version is especially bad. Most of the other monsters look pretty much the same but they've brutalized my boy Rodan. King Ghidorah also took a hit in that he is more golden but less magnificent looking. It'll do, but it's not ideal. Your big end scene villain should definitely look as good as your best looking beast, if not better.

- Gorosaurus has an excellent color that they don't emphasize enough. His blue colored back is baller. Just like his first appearance, I think his design is good (basically just a big dinosaur), but I never noticed the super cool colors before.

- Mothra is significantly less moist in this movie, which is great because I have always found larval Mothra quite distressing to look (primarily because she'e so gooey).

- The scene of all of the monsters arriving at the Kilaaks' base to destroy it is actually pretty dope. It's like the Avengers or Justice League assembling, Godzilla leading every other monster. Especially once King Ghidorah arrives, the 1 vs. All aesthetic is very effective.

- Anguirus has a moment where he clamps onto King Ghidorah's neck as Ghidorah takes flight, and it's awesome. He loses this fight, but these little random moments of weirdness are also random moments of greatness.

Quite simply, the movie definitely seems like it was intended to be a culmination or even final film in the series. Many claims exist on the internet and otherwise that this actually was the case, though I've seen no evidence of it. Regardless, Destroy All Monsters is cool to watch because it is like seeing all of the strings pulled together like an Avengers movie. While crossovers between Godzilla and other Toho kaiju have happened before, this film features basically every kaiju at Toho's disposal and it is truly a sight to behold. As stated above, seeing all of the "Earth" monsters gather in one location to take down the villains is honestly quite awesome, and then adding a big fight with King Ghidorah makes it better. The fight could be more spectacular and amazing because it is over very quickly and there's very little use of the kaiju's various abilities, but sadly this movie clearly didn't have the budget it deserved. The monster action is some of the best in the series so far.

While the monster action is top tier, the human story is honestly quite dull. It's quite disappointing to have such a great ending but being in such a boring place beforehand. While we get a tiny amount of kaiju destruction in the 2nd act, the huge majority of the 1st and 2nd acts are dedicated to human's flying around on spaceships and arguing with aliens. It is not a compelling story at all, and my first attempt to watch it had me dozing off about two-thirds of the way into the movie. In its defense I was a bit sleepy anyway, but believe an interesting plot would've helped me get and stay awake and invested. If I had to describe it in any detail I'm honestly not sure I could, except to say that they fight with aliens and take over the monsters in some way that's either not explained or stupid. In the Justice League version of kaiju movies, everything would have been better off with more kaiju involvement.

Incredibly minor nitpick: while on the moon the humans call one of the Kilaak spaceships a "UFO." It's not a UFO if you know exactly what it is (a spaceship) and who it belongs to (the Kilaaks). This is obviously unimportant, but it amused me in the moment.

Conclusion: the last 30 minutes of this movie is pretty much the best 30 minutes in a kaiju movie since 1954. Unlike the original Gojira, however, the human story sucks and must be balanced against the monster fighting. The monster fighting is pretty great, ultimately making this a great addition to the series. If you're at all interested in kaiju movies this is likely an excellent start, as the crap human story will make up for itself when you see a monster stomp on another's neck while it coughs up blood. Other films in the series may be more balanced, but they're not more spectacular.

Next: All Monsters Attack!

King Kong Escapes

Today we watch the 1967 classic (?) King Kong Escapes, another kiaju movie co-produced by Toho and Rankin/Bass that once again allows the innovators over at Toho to take a crack at a King Kong movie. As can be expected by now, Ishirō Honda directs and Haruo Nakajima is the main (monster) character: King Kong. Like the previous movie we talked about, Hiroshi Sekita plays the antagonist monsters versus the King Kong that escapes.

I am actually really excited to see this movie because I have owned it for years now but am only watching it for the first time now. Part of the intent of this entire Kaiju '22 project was to finally watch all of the giant monsters movies I owned by hadn't seen (and rewatch the ones I had). This is a known personality flaw of mine, in that I own at least 20 movies I have never seen. I am working on it! Let's talk about King Kong Escapes now instead of my inadequacies.

If You Haven't Seen it Before

- A submarine crew unexpectedly makes an emergency stop on Mondo Island, apparently the place to find the one and only King Kong. The nurse onboard finds this unlikely, as Kong is but a myth.

- Elsewhere, a mad scientist named Dr. Who has built Mechani-Kong under the orders and financial help of a country with plans for world domination by using the robot to mine Element X.

- Despite the promises that the robot is as good as the real deal King Kong, its first mining endeavor goes poorly when the robots circuits are shorted by the powerful radiation given off by Element X.

- On Mondo Island, the nurse is chased by dinosaur-like Gorosaurus before being saved by King Kong. After the fight, he admires her before reluctantly letting her go. Gorosaurus revives and they continue their epic duel. He also saves the escaping submarine crew from a sea serpent.

- Kong does follow the crew to their submarine and begin to shake it, but the nurse he is infatuated with persuades him to let them go.

- The mad Dr. Who decides that in order to continue his mission to provide his benefactors with the world supply of Element X he needs the real King Kong. The gas King Kong and kidnap him. The submarine crew gets involved in the situation and ends up being taken by Dr. Who's minions as well.

- A strobe light is apparently the secret to controlling King Kong, and Dr. Who is ready to make Kong do his bidding/digging.

- After some initial success, King Kong begins to resist Dr. Who's demands. He is imprisoned again as we shift to the submarine crew and their adventures against the mad scientist.

- As things progress, King Kong escapes. Mechani-Kong is sent to capture him. 

- After making nice with the representative of the country funding Dr. Who's endeavors, she allows them to escape from Who's clutches just in time for a showdown between King and Mechani-Kong in Tokyo.

- King Kong wins, which is not surprising because Mechani-Kong has been established as kind of trash since his first appearance.

- After defeating his robot double, King Kong also destroys Dr. Who's ship as he tries to escape, ending the menace of Dr. Who once and for all.

- King Kong swims away, apparently having "had enough of what we call civilization." End.

Kaiju Notes

- The King Kong suit remains quite bad, though I think they have improved it since it's last appearance. The eyes are still awful and the snout and chest are rubbery.

- Gorosaurus, on the other hand, actually looks pretty good. It's not a complex look by any means, but it's a convincing facsimile of a dinosaur creature and doesn't share the rubbery-ness of Kong. Also I like his little dino tongue and dino claws.

- Mechani-Kong is awesome. What a look, what a boy. His little belt of bombs is great, as well as his always chipper (yet somehow blank) expression.

- Kong throwing a giant rock onto the sea serpent while it chases the submarine crew is one of my favorite shots of all of these movies so far. Somehow I entirely saw it coming because it was telegraphed (like everything in these films) but was also surprised when giant rock met serpent skull. Hilarious.

- King Kong's electricity powers don't come into play here, and he and Mechani-Kong have a traditional punch fight.

- Mechani-Kong's only real ability in a fight appears to be the strobe light on his head which allows him to disorient/control King. It is quickly shot by the humans and destroyed, mattering for all of 60 seconds.

- The fight between the two apes is underwhelming, to say the least. They essentially just climb a tower before King knocks Mechani-Kong off and he explodes into robot bits. The murder of Dr. Who is more exciting, honestly.

First thing: some minor direction notes. With Ebirah, Horror of the Deep being directed by someone who is not Ishirō Honda I paid some attention to the shots made to show the sheer scale of the monsters versus the humans in the film. With Honda back at the helm these are less frequent but there was at least one shot of this, which seems like perhaps a new technique he might have picked up either over time or from the previous director. I am a fan. It really does help to make the kaiju seem like both parts of the world and disconnected from it, too large to notice us and too powerful to care if they do. The death of Dr. Who is also bloodier than we are used to, the only scene before this I can remember showing anymore than a spot of blood being the ripped apart rabbit in Frankenstein Conquers the World. Adding to some of the added realism/gruesomeness, Gorosaurus foams at the mouth as King Kong breaks his jaw by pulling it apart. While the effect itself appears to just be suds from dishwashing soap put into a rubber suit, it is the closest we've gotten thus far to demonstrating how much damage these monsters really do to each other.

I have many questions about Dr. Who. Firstly, after kidnapping King Kong and starting his mind control mining operation he admits that real Kong is way better than Mechani-Kong, so one has to question why he made so many high promises if he knew this? In his very first scene he insists that Mechani-Kong is a as good or better than King, but is quick to change his mind once that plan immediately falls apart. And once King Kong escapes from his lair, why does he bother sending Mechani-Kong to stop him, considering that every comparison between the two has revealed that King Kong is way better in every way. If not for the nurse King is interested in protecting, Mechani-Kong would have been destroyed almost immediately. And given all of this information, some of which Dr. Who had to have known before the films start, why wasn't this the original plan? It's probably way cheaper to kidnap a living ape than build an advanced robot version. The commander of the submarine, who is familiar with the mad scientist, says at one point that Dr. Who would "steal Niagara Falls for a drink of water" so apparently this is a known trait of his. He does wear a cape, so it can't be said he doesn't have a touch of the dramatic.

Overall, this film is underwhelming. The human element of this story is the most interesting bit, but that's not a good thing. The showdown at the end is defined by a struggle by both Kongs for the human nurse, and even the decisive moment of Mechani-Kong falling off the tower is decided by the mysterious country representative pulling some wires which causes Mechani-Kong to no longer function properly. She dies for her trouble in a manner much more interesting than the giant robot. It's a strange choice that these movies often make, giving the human facets more attention in a movie presumably about giant monsters punching each other. I understand this is probably a budgetary restraint, but it doesn't make the movie more interesting to watch to know what held it back from being what the creators probably wanted. That can make an interesting conversation about particular films and even movie-making in general, but if it doesn't translate onto the screen it is ultimately a miss. Just like this movie!

Next: Son of Godzilla!